Can You Be The Plan?

I swear no one will ever understand how hard it is being me. Think you could do it? Can you juggle all this shit I'm going through? Try it. Try being a good christian man surrounded by a secular world. Try to be tough yet sweet in this world that's just waiting to swallow you whole. Treat women the way you were raised to and watch the shit backfire in your face. Every. Single. Time. Watch your family's despair and heartache and be powerless to help them. Work your ass off to be an average college student and a broke one at that. Everyday I need a jump start just to keep this thing in motion. The white friends wanna do this and the black friends wanna do that. Can you live in both those worlds and still keep some sanity for yourself? There won't be any sanity for me in the end. Sometimes I could say to hell with it all. My father didn't teach me how to live up to these traditional masculine standards. I'm just the youngest of 4 poor kids from Mississippi. What do I know about how to rise to the top? It's too much and I can't take it, can't even breathe. It gets deeper. In the end all that awaits me is death. And as soon as I've lived this life and stayed true to myself the whole way through I would gladly welcome such a fate. Can you be The Plan? I wouldn't recommend it.