The Last Run?

Last night was an interesting night for me which put a few things in perspective. Overwhelmed with stress from a number of different things, I decided to go for a run. There were a number of purposes for this late night adventure. Running has always been, or once was, a great way for me to relieve stress. It frees my mind from the bondage of time and space. I was also curious to see just what my body had left to give. After a summer of lounging and being an overall fat-ass, the odds were stacked heavily against me. Still, I walked boldly out the front door, ipod in ear, ironically listening to Back In The Saddle by Aerosmith.

What ensued did not make me feel back in the saddle at all. I felt like I was riding a horse that not only had i never rode before, but wanted me off his back asap. My knees felt sore, the result of five years of football and track. My legs were cramped due to a huge number of things. Overall, however, the physical pain wasn't what was slowing me down. It was the fact that my will as an athlete, or even a person trying to get in shape, was shot. Then, as soon as I began to feel fatigue, the voice in my head started:

"Why are we doing this? What's the point? The days of being an athlete are over for us. We may have been on the top at Bosse, but in the real world it's not our place. Why get tired, lose your breath, or punish your body any further? We had our last stand. We will never play football again, no matter how many miles we run tonight. It's time to let this spirit go."

My steady jog slowed to a point which can barely be called movement. I prepared to take that walk of shame back to my house, back to frustration, and back to unfulfilled dreams. That's when, in the distance, I spotted my longtime friend Elliot Ward. I yelled to him, thankful for a legitimate excuse to end my run. Elliot is a soccer player for Hanover and was heading out to do some conditioning. I decided the situation was interesting enough to accompany him.

I began by attempting to join him in a series of sprints and plyometrics, but soon realized I had nothing left to give. My transition from partner to spectator was quick. As I watched Elliot fight through his fatigue and finish his workout, I was reminded of myself from the previous summer. That summer was spent working out and running, pushing myself far beyond my limits, in an attempt to prepare for a tryout for the IU football team. I only had the tiniest fraction of a chance at making the team. I was realistic about that from the beginning. However, just that fraction of a chance drove me to push my body like I never had before. The smallest spark lit me into an undying flame. Watching Elliot that night, I realized I would never be on fire like that again. That tiny spark was gone in me and wasn't coming back.

In life we must sometimes give up our dreams. Sheer determination doesn't always win the day. If it did, there would be a countless number of Supermen and thus no Superman in this world. Maybe that's too deep, but my point is that we can't have some things we want, even if we are willing to go to the ends of the earth to get them. We must find our place in this world and be realistic in our efforts. The reality of my life is that it shall be fulfilled not by physical feats, but by expanding my mental capacity to master some aspect of this life. Last night may quite possibly have been my last run, but I will always keep moving forward.