A Little Update

Semester 5 is well underway and I haven't had time to write on here in quite some time. I assume that's okay since I only have one follower, but still I feel the need to give a little update on what's going in my life currently. I figure it'll be cool to divide this up and talk about each aspect of my life individually, much like how "Know The Plan" will be formatted.

Family

I haven't had much time to check up on my family since I've been back. This really saddens me since they were instrumental in helping me get back to school when things with my car didn't work out. My brother Brandon offered to take me back, but the morning we were supposed to leave we found two flat front tires to hinder our journey. My sister then stepped up and offered her car, leaving her to find another transport to work. My mother  helped tremendously monetarily when I failed to earn enough money for school supplies. Even though I wasn't able to pay her back, she still gives me her full support. My family means so much to me and I keep them in my heart always, but communication with them has been scarce lately.

Friends

I can't say I've had much time for them either. I can feel myself growing apart from everyone, even my closest friends. To say why I'd have to fully understand who I am now, which I don't. They all still support me, I know, but I can't help but feel I'm all alone for this journey. This semester has so far been one of those me-against-the-world type adventures. It doesn't show signs of changing.

Education

The reason I've been so busy with school is because I'm taking 20 credit hours now. That's seven classes that need my attention. There's always something to be done, never an excuse to take a night off. Days are full of class time and nights are usually spent at the library until my eyes feel heavy or my attention span is depleted. Then I wake up in the morning and do it all again. If the classes weren't enough, my commitments to IU's Arbutus and the IDS newspaper surely take the remainder of my free time. I haven't been satisfied with my academic performance since college began, but now I at least feel I am giving my best effort. I have given myself completely to my schoolwork. There is nothing else. I'd like to see myself, after nearly being placed on academic probation, soar to the top and be placed on the Dean's List. I'll tear my heart out before I give up on that goal.

Women

Well, shit. Luck hasn't changed one bit. Been single for two years, with more close calls than I even want to think about. For some reason, even though I have more confidence than ever, I can't bring things full circle with any girl. I feel I just don't have the ability to connect with them on that level. Its been a long time since I was too nervous to talk to a female or ask her out, but with all the rejection and near misses it just doesn't seem logical to keep trying at this point. There's a girl who has everything I want in a woman. I feel I connected with her like I've never connected with anyone before. Yet she told me she's not the person she once was. She's not ever going to be the person that had feelings for me again. I'd say that rejection should speak for this entire semester. If love is going to show its face in my life again, it at least will wait a year. "Now that you've been broken down, got your head out of the clouds. And you don't talk so loud. And you don't walk so proud, anymore..."



Here I am. Nothing more to update really. I got a guitar. I have glasses now. I'm a full-time nerd. I'm probably more boring than I've ever been and broke. Theme for the semester? It's kind of early, but Estranged by Guns is seeming pretty fitting for how I feel lately. "When you're talking to yourself and nobody's home...You can't fool yourself. You came in this world alone. Alone..."